fiction theory

The artist is not afraid

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.... Thank you so much for this post. I've been working through how much I hate my fav new pop star's latest music video which features him following some girl around in places she obviously doesn't want him in, and finding the words without getting too personal and angry is hard.

You say true things.

finding the words without getting too personal and angry is hard.

I know this feeling, and I actually did get pretty personal in the book review I just posted, but damn. Sometimes finding words through the rage and the squick is pretty hard. So I'm glad that this post may have helped a little.

What pop star is this, BTW? Out of sheer and morbid curiosity?

Alexander Rybak. He's from Norway, and won Eurovision 2009. I actually do enjoy most of his work, I love his musical composition talents and his lyrics are actually mostly really lovely. I keep meaning to do a blog series applying different interpretations to some of his songs, and in general, he's well-spoken and you know... nice! Like, nice nice, not capital N nice. Then again, I can't follow his life closely because I don't speak Norwegian and all, and I don't particularly feel the need to when I just like his work. Which is why the music video is upsetting, because the previous body of work was mostly unproblematic. Mostly.

Excellent post (great link), and I agree a gazillion percent.

I was born in 1955, and raised in rural/small town culture, and the whole pressure to be polite and accommodating as a girl/woman was stifling-I ended up 20 years old, on my own, literally unable to say "no" to anybody because it would be RUDE.

And that led to some creepy places. I saw my mother struggle to learn to set boundaries too, well after her divorce, and cheered her on (she could act to protect my brother and me, but not herself).

The more points like this are made, the better.

and p.s. LOVE the Monty Python reference!

I was born in 1955, and raised in rural/small town culture, and the whole pressure to be polite and accommodating as a girl/woman was stifling-I ended up 20 years old, on my own, literally unable to say "no" to anybody because it would be RUDE.

I was born in 1984 in Tennessee, same kinda culture and I inherited the same from my mother and grandmother. And I have that same issue. It's taken me a long time to learn that I can say "no" or tell someone I don't like what they're doing or that I don't want to do something. And I still fail all the time, especially in situations with strangers or people I'm not close to.

Like a recent example? I was getting a massage and was too intimidated to tell the masseuse that she was hurting me because I didn't want to be mean, didn't want to hurt her feelings, didn't want to be a rude customer. So I took it for 60 minutes and wound up being sore and in pain for a week afterward.

So posts like this are as much me talking to myself as anything. And wow, sorry for the personal info dump there.


This is fabulous. Thank you!

I'm glad you liked the post. :)

This is an excellent post. (And the link to Ursula V's post was terrific.) Thank you!

Er, and should note that I followed a link here from Hathor Legacy.

Thank you for this.

I'm very fond of my own sense of creepy/icky/skeezy even though employing it, in the past, has made me feel like I was being cold or prudish or bitchy - like I was the one with the problem, in other words. But it's kept me safe... I was on a date with this guy who seemed lovely, kind of dorky, earnest, but something just wasn't right and it all became clear when he said that he thought the fine for owning child porn should be the same as the fine for speeding D: So yeah, got out of that one fast.

Creepy feelings should always be trusted. But thank you for this post, because there's part of me that still feels that leaving him was an overreaction and rude, and I know logically that it wasn't.

I've found it helps to maintain my own sanity if I remember that 'bitchy' is often code for 'not letting myself be exploited'. So when a man calls me bitchy for not letting him bypass company security / not giving him my phone number / not doing his work for him / whatever, it's a sign that he is at fault but he's trying to fool me into thinking it's my fault.

I like that definition.

Here via Hathor Legacy. So much agreement with keeping one's sense of creepy. I have the extra awkward layer of introversion to deal with, something my family tried to harangue out of me from early on, plus the societal pressure to not be a "bitch" or "stuck-up".

I really struggle not to hate myself sometimes, for not just saying no, or refusing to allow all these little moments where I've let other people take up my time and mental or physical space, because I felt I had no right to. It's really not okay, this imposition place across a whole half of the human race to let others take advantage as they will. We need no, no question.

This is a long overdue comment for me: I found the film "Elf" to be really creepy for these reasons. The lovable title character followed his coworker into the shower! And she thought it was cute. Rarr.

There. Now I feel better.

It seems to me that the audience is everything. These stories are written by and for heterosexual men, many of whom are uncertain of how to get on well with the women they want to be with. (Women can watch and try to enjoy these films, but they aren't the stars of the show.) So what we are seeing are the intentions that creepazoids have, but with pleasant results rather than unpleasant. Because these people don't understand boundaries and for some reason never came across any information about why they creep women out, they feel absolutely misunderstood and want their plight splashed across the screen. If only people could just understand!

The good women in these films are often either not pursued by anyone, or they are pursued by people who other men dislike and are clearly not worthy of the coveted, prized lead female. The woman always ends up discovering the guy who didn't know how to interact with women is totally the guy that she should be looking for. I think the writers don't intend to send a message, but they also don't realize that a) everyone is watching, and b) many people don't watch anything but their messages.

My brain is shutting down for the night, so I don't know if I've got a complete thought here or not...oh well...

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