I have too many ideas, none of them panning out, and nothing is working right now. Yesterday and today were complete washes, although yesterday was a Research Day at least. I got absolutely nothing done today. Not even useful research.

Part of the problem, if I'm being honest, is a fundamental lack of confidence. Because I'm pretty sure that no matter what I write, it sucks like an electrolux. Thus, I feel like there's nothing I can do. I'm swimming on a sea of my own complete incompetence and I don't even have a compass to tell me which way's north, and oh, it's a cloudy night tonight.

I'm going back to working on the Tower!Guy, because it's over halfway done. If I can't do something well, I might as well do something complete.

The Wolfshorde is broken, in a deep, fundamental way. It's broken because I don't want tell another story about a heroine who discovers her hidden powers and her hidden past and her hidden parents and her hidden drama llamas. That's been done, and even I'm not interested in it. Also, it's similar to what's going on in the Tower!Guy story. But at least there, it makes more sense and isn't so abominably trite. There are so many elements of The Wolfshorde that I love, but I don't know how to work the story around the heroine needing to have undiscovered powers and a secret parentage she doesn't know about.

If I actually did as much headdesking as I feel like doing, I would give myself a bloody concussion. I am just that frustrated and COVERED IN BEES.

I'm going to bury my nose in Cast In Secret and maybe watch some Eddie Izzard and figure out how to unclog my brain.

I was recently reading some Amazon reviews for C.E. Murphy's "Urban Shaman", and noticed a reviewer that said:

"The author seems to have only a Hollywood Movie understanding of Police work and less than that of the Seattle PD, Police Hiring Practices, Criminal Procedure, Police Language and less about Police Culture."

Upon seeing this, I thought two things. First - the reviewer is technically correct. Having read the novel, I can say that I spotted various vagaries in her portrayal of the police. But that's where my second thought came in.

I don't think the author was wrong to fudge some of the details. I think that her story might have suffered and her audience been distanced from it if she'd gone for strict accuracy.

After all, she is working in the Urban Fantasy genre. Thus, most of her readers are not coming to the table expecting a hardcore, ultra-realistic portrayal of police life in Seattle.

This is to say nothing of the fact that she's dealing with an audience that is largely informed by such shows as CSI and Law & Order. If she works with the "Hollywood Movie Understanding of Police Work", it's because that's what most of her readers are working with as well.

Writing is just as much about being able to negotiate symbols and widely held untruths as much as anything else. Especially fiction writing. It's our job to deal in lies. Now, this dealing requires that we know the truth and know it mightily, so our lies can be really good lies (let's face it, the best whoppers are always at least 30% true), but in the end we lie.

Caveat: I don't know this author personally, nor can I read her mind. So this is all speculation, and open to debate.

Having seen some of the fudging that the author did in "Urban Shaman", it was fairly intelligent fudging. It wasn't done out of laziness, I believe, but a decision to serve the story. The story is character-centric, and in the end, priorities have to be set. Is it more important to be accurate or compelling?

The author chose compelling. She chose to sacrifice procedural facts and details so that the story moved ahead, so that the character was shown in the light needed. This is perfectly valid.

Now, does this mean the reader was wrong to be somewhat put off? No, I suppose not. But it makes me wonder how many more negative reviews the author would have gotten if she'd gone for accuracy and sacrificed a good story.

My books from Amazon came! I'm so freakin' excited. Wheeeeeeee! I've been waiting anxiously for these since I ordered them. Now I have to hurry through the last bit of Queen Isabella so I can read something new.

I'm torn right now between what to start reading. I mean, I want to dive in to Ink & Steel immediately, but I've been waiting to find a copy of Cast in Secret for damn near ever. Then there's The Fall of the Kings which is due to arrive in a few days.

Ah, these are the decisions I relish. Which book in a series I adore by an author I fangirl over should I start reading first?

Decisions I don't quite relish: which household chores and bits of writing should I completely put off to devour my new acquisitions?


Poll #1242311 Cure My Indecisivenss, Plz?
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Which Book Should I Start Reading First?

ETA: Some people love new car smell. I have just realized that I love new book smell even more. I love the smell of new books in the morning. Smells like...literature. *SNIFFS*.

I've been kind of flying at the speed of light with this story. I'm getting close to 25,000 words and have only been working on it for a couple of weeks.

So where did the Tower!Guy story go? It's taking a breather. I pushed back my deadline for it, because I have the time to do that, and because I was getting nowhere with it. I'm coming back to it, but I seriously did need to do this. Because right now, I'm learning more from this story than I have from anything else in a long time.


Project: The Wolfshorde (tentative title)

Wordcount: 21,942

Goal:75,000-90,000 words

Deadline: October 1st

Reason For Stopping:Dinner doesn't make itself

Exercise:Walking on errands. Usual walk/jog at 6am was canceled because of imminent rain.

Stimulants/Chemicals: None

Musical Inspiration: Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog; Kings of Convenience - Homesick; Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Down Boy; The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name; Bear McCreary - All Along The Watch Tower (from Battlestar Galactica).

Other Creative Activities - Journaling, organizing things.

Reading Materials - Queen Isabella - Alison Weir. Still waiting for my amazon shipment.

Darling du Jour: The Wolf watched Dylan strip off his shirt, in full view. Lean muscles worked under skin scarred with old cigarette burns from childhood that hadn't healed right.

Mean Things: Kidnapping; abusive childhoods; surprise! you're adopted!; houses being burned down; death threats

Things Learned/Discovered: How to economize each sentence; Readers are not like dogs, you can let them off-leash; It's okay to trust your readers to make small logical inferences from time to time.

Let me explain that last bit. Let's say I start out with a scene like this:

Lisa stomped into his office, she was furious because he had taken away the funds her department needed. Those funds were necessary to keeping everything running.

She came in with a slam of the door.

"Ted!" she yelled angrily, absolutely determined to give him a piece of her mind for cutting off the department's funds. "You're nothing but a cheap, useless pencil pusher!"

Ted clenched his jaw and stared at her. He was furious because she'd come stomping in and insulted him without even saying so much as hello. (wordcount: 89)


If I trust my reader to have even a minimal amount of savvy, I can economize my words and come out with this:

Lisa was furious that Ted had taken away the funds her department needed to operate.

Lisa stomped into Ted's office and slammed the door. "Ted, you're nothing but a cheap, useless pencil pusher!"

Ted clenched his jaw and stared at her. (wordcount: 41)

I can trust the reader to know why Ted is staring at Lisa and clenching his jaw, and I can also do without having to add "she yelled, angrily" to the dialog. Because we have a pretty good idea why Lisa is angry. She losing money. That and the exclamation point make it obvious to all observers that she's raising her voice to him.

This is to say nothing of the fact that the first two sentences were a waste of space respectively.

I know this is going to come as no great revelation to most of the people on my f-list who are consummate writers and probably figured this out ages ago. But for me, it's important. Because I've been doing this sort of thing all the time. It's why my wordcounts go so high, so fast.

It's why I need to write this story before I can go back to the Tower!Guy story. Right now, I have to go back and revise my writing to tighten it. Hopefully, I can start training myself to write this way from the get-go, thus making the editing process infinitely less painful.

Poll on POV changes in reading/writing by miriad.

I heard someone in a writing group I was in say once, "Each time you switch POV, you give the reader a chance to walk away."

There are some pieces of advice doled out in workshops and books that I immediately just rebel against. It's like I'm a five-year-old faced with a white wall and a box of brand new crayons. I can't walk away while that wall is in pristeen condition. And I've got 64 of my best buds willing to help me out. I have to make a mess. It's practically a command in the programming of my soul.

The advice, I don't think, is meant to evoke that sort of reaction. On it's face, it's a sound statement, reasonable and logical. After all, aren't all told not to go playing with POV, because it's not a toy?

Well, the answer is this: I think the kid with the crayon has a point. Oversimplification just begs to be scrawled all over with the Big Purple Crayon of Reality. And writing rules tend to be oversimplifications.

I fundamentally disagree any clever writing rule someone comes up with, because, as Elizabeth Bear so wisely says (and I paraphrase), "You don't learn how to write a novel, only this novel." Every novel, like every person, is different.

Don't believe me? Go ask doctors why we need so many different treatments for the same diseases - because folks' bodies just don't respond the same. Some people perk right up with a bit o' penicillin and some bedrest. Some people (me) are horribly allergic to penicillin and might, yanno, DIE if you gave it to us.

Same way with novels. Putting an injunction against POV switches might really streamline one novel, but kill another. Why?

Because POV switches are like lane changes when you're driving. When used unnecessarily in the hands of an amateur who has no idea what they're doing and has just gotten behind the wheel, they can cause flaming wreckage. In the hands of someone skilled, it's a tool, like anything else, that can add tension, drama, and dynamos to the story.

However, I do think that the person who made the statement in the group was not entirely wrong, or at least not without some justification. From what I remember about the story being critiqued, it was cluttered feeling and messy.

There are stories in which putting an injunction on POV changes will do a world of good. It will streamline, simplify, clarify, and sharpen the writing. There are other stories that need the POV changes if they're going to do what they need to do.

So, as with anything, either writing or driving, you can't live by pithy rules. The conditions of the road and the craft of writing are ever changing. All you can do is use your best judgment and make sure your insurance is up to date.

I finally got to use my Amazon giftcard (the one I got for my birthday in April). I'm sort of picky about books when I'm not buying them used. There's a difference between taking a chance on something when you're only paying a buck for it and taking a chance on something that's costing you eleven dollars.

I had to fight with Amazon, btw, so that my giftcard would cover the purchases because damn Amazon really, really wants your credit card number.

Still, I got my loot, which is as follows:

Ink & Steel by Elizabeth Bear
Hell & Earth by Elizabeth Bear
Cast in Secret by Michele Sagara
Wreck This Journal by Keri Smith
The Fall of The Kings by Ellen Kushner and Delia Sherman

Five books on a fifty buck gift card is pretty impressive, if I do say so myself. I was going to get Midnight Never Come by Marie Brennan, just for comparison reasons to Ink & Steel, but it put me over the limit and, frankly, I don't know the author well enough to pay out of pocket yet.

And when I tried to buy one of her other (cheaper) books, just to see what kind of author she might be, I couldn't figure out which book came first. Because her other books, in her other series, were Witch, Warrior and Witch, Warrior, and Doppelganger and ten minutes of browsing STILL didn't tell me what order they went in.

There was also some other book I was going to get, I don't remember the title/author, but when two or three reviewers commented that you needed to read the author's short story in that 'verse before being able to dive into the *first* novel of the series, I went, "Oh *hell* no." Bitch, please. I am not going to track down your short story, buy a book full of other stories I may or may not even care about, just to understand the first novel of a series.

In fact, if I need to do anything other than open the book and being reading to understand the first novel of a series, I am officially chucking you in the bin. Again, I say: bitch, puh-lease.

Still, I'm very happy with my literary loot and am trying to feverishly to finish the last hundred page of Queen Isabella so my dance card is free when Hell & Earth gets here on Friday or Saturday.

Oh, and I have a book icon! Feel free to borrow or steal it (with credit given)!

A question from the inestimable, inimitable ladyslvr in this entry: So, those of you who are writers, could you please take an entry to talk about overcoming hurdles within your stories. Not writer's block hurdles, but story ones. How do you recover the plot thread when it breaks?

I think it's a good question, and I'm passing it on to my f-list. Why not take an entry to discuss your process?

( My answer under the cut because it might get lengthy. Your mileage from the answer may vary from state to state. )

So there, ladyslvr, I hope my long rambling and needless metaphors have helped you or at least made you feel better about yourself in comparison. Because, hey, what are friends for if not to make you warm, tingly superior feeling?

Quick poll before I go off to put on my chef hat and whip up a culinary masterpiece. Or, as I like to call it "Trying Not To Use More Flame And Bad Language Than The Recipe Calls For".

Feel free to answer only the questions you have answers to. If you don't, for instance, read paranormal romance, just say so. Nobody reads everything. You can, if you must, name more than one author. I know how hard it is picking between favorites.

Also, feel absolutely free to debate all you like amongst yourselves in comments without fear of me getting angry about thread hijacking or anything like that. Big topics require big conversation!


Poll #1235832 Exciting Speculative Literature! Now 20% Less Scientific!
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

What do you think is the most exciting urban fantasy series or single novel to date?

Who do you think is the most exciting urban fantasy writer currently working?

What do you think is the most exciting fantasy series or single novel to date?

Who do you think is the most exciting fantasy writer currently working?

What do you think is the most exciting science-fiction series or single novel to date?

Who do you think is the most exciting science-fiction writer currently writing?

What do you think is the most exciting paranormal romance series or single novel to date?

Who do you think is the most exciting paranormal romance writer currently working?

The good thing about progress notes is that they're sort of a motive for me to keep writing. I know, I know, it sounds silly. But I really do get some motivation for writing from these things. I think to myself, "Self, if I don't get any writing done, I won't have any progress made, thus no progress notes to share with people."

Yeah, silly. But anything that keeps you going, right?


Project: Tower!Guy Story

Wordcount: 57949 (+7751)

Goal: 100,000 or less

Deadline: September 1st

Reason For Stopping: Tired.

Exercise: Got a good solid walk in this morning with sporadic, very (very!) short bursts of jogging.

Stimulants/Chemicals: Mildly alcoholic cider with dinner.

Musical Inspiration: Rihanna - Disturbia; Iron & Wine w/ Calexico - Burn That Broken Bed; Thomas Newman - Ghosts

Other Creative Activities: Is organizing things creative?

Reading Materials: Finished Urban Shaman by C.E. Murphy, started on Queen Isabella by Alison Weir.

Darling du Jour:

Mean Things: Forcibly being married off; admitting to mass murder; lying a lot; facing torture and execution

Things Learned/Discovered: Working on two projects: not so grate akshully.

Yesterday was perhaps the world's most perfect day ever. The weather was absolutely gorgeous, not too hot, but very sunny. The books we sold to the Book Barn got us $24 in credit, and we spent another $14 on top of using our store credit. Although I'm sad to report that, for the moment, the Haunted House (where the SF/F, horror, and mystery usually live) is shut down due to governmental asshattery bureaucracy and thus, the SF/F section is in about three different places including the downtown store.

Still, I got some great finds. In no particular order, our book booty (for, yarr we be lit'rary pirates, matey):

The Hidden Queen - Alma Alexander
Thomas the Rhymer - Ellen Kushner
Dime Store Magic - Kelley Armstrong
Nightlife - Rob Thurman
Touched by Venom - Janine Cross
Ill Wind - Rachel Caine
Kindred - Octavia E. Butler
Eifelheim - Michael Flynn
Towing Jehovah - James Morrow
The Ghost Brigades - John Scalzi
The Last Colony - John Scalzi
Queen Isabella - Alison Weir
Rome: Past and Present - L. Cozzi (picture book)

I got Queen Isabella because I can't resist history, and it's about a person I know little to nothing of. Plus, the writing caught my eye. I've been trying, as of late, to make sure I stretch my horizons beyond the SF/Fnal, at least reading wise.

This is to say nothing of my amazement that I've been able to find excellent condition editions of both Swordspoint and Thomas the Rhymer. I looked for them both in bookstores for a while after I read Privilege of the Sword, and couldn't find either.

Also? Score on finding "Ill Wind". I've been wanting to get into the Weather Warden novels for damn near ever, but couldn't. Trying to get into a series is a crapshoot at book stores. They never have the book you need but have fifty copies of the ones you don't. Or the publisher didn't label the books very well, so you have no idea which order things go in. There's a certain Big Name Publisher who does this a lot, I've noticed.

Seriously, publisher dudes, would it kill you to label when something is a sequel? Because it would help me out immensely when I'm deciding whether or not to give you my money. Which I presume is the whole point of this little marriage of literacy and capitalism. So, help a sister out and label your stuff more clearly.

And by the by - I totally need a book icon. Anyone know of any good ones laying around?

There's a Book Barn movie. I kid thee not. It's called "Used Books". It's some kind of student film or something.

But it is just too awesome for words to express. Romantic ninja book fights on Tuesdays for the win! It's straight from xkcd.com I tell you.

For those who aren't in the know, the Book Barn is a very wonderful used book place that has, literally, buildings full of used books. They also have cats (and LOLcats), goats, and a magnificent sense of humor. I'm proud to say I'm part of the cult following.

And guess what? Hahaha, I'm about to go there and trade old books for new-to-me books! I will savor your jealousy and feed it to the goats along with corn. :)

For no good reason (mostly because I didn't have my Tower!Guy story notes with me) I started working on the other story I'm thinking about.

I ended up writing three chapters and will probably get a couple more done tonight. I don't know why, but the Force is strong with this one.

*sigh*. Don't look at me, I just work here.

Hence the subject line. My creative process is actually controlled by a troll. A slightly attention deficit troll, I think, and not the kind with the jewel in it's belly button. The kind that traditionally hides under bridges and in caves and likes to fuck people's shit up just for setting foot in the forest. Good news is that it only likes to eat nachos, diet coke, and LOLcats.

I'll try to get some progress notes going on this one. It's on the To Do list right after typing my written notes into Google Docs and getting a new paper notebook because this one is getting near the end (geez, I only had it a month and a half and it's nearly finished!)

I also noticed, as I was looking around, that several people have friended me and I haven't friended them back. This is not because I'm rude, it's just because my head!troll is all over the place.

So, if you're new, please do introduce yourself. It'd be nice to know how in the heck you came across me, just for curiosity's sake.

If you're not new, tell me something about yourself that I don't know or heck, just anything in general I don't know. Feel free to be random. Pic spams of attractive people, cat/dog/critter macros, favorite recipes, book recs, and any other randomness is more than welcome.

Tomorrow: THE BOOK BARN. Or as I like to call it: "The closest to heaven you can actually get without actually going into cardiac arrest and making your loved ones sad". I feel I deserve it, if only because I ruthlessly went through my shelves in NYC before we left and weeded out as many books as possible.

I'm back from Florida and safely in New York City. Of course, it's only for a few hours. I'm headed to Hartford in the morning for a week long dog/cat/fish/lizard-sitting extravaganza. It's going to be awesome, and I anticipate that I might get to do a little more work on the Tower!Guy story, as well as my other idea.

Re: my complete indecision about whether to change horses in midstream with the whole Tower!Guy Story project, I've decided that I don't have to decide. There's no reason why I can't work on both, especially since the other idea I have is still in it's beginning stages and Tower!Guy (I promise, I have a better title) is on it's end run. Seriously. This is the last damn draft I'm doing. If this draft doesn't work out, to hell with it.

Bookwise, I hit a jackpot in Florida and got a real bargain on these books:

The Queen's Bastard by C.E. Murphy
Urban Shaman by C.E. Murphy (which is good, because I accidentally picked up book two first)
His Majesty's Dragon by Naomi Novik
Swordspoint by Ellen Kushner

I finished Swordspoint on the plane and started Urban Shaman. I'd type out a real review of Swordspoint but it would basically amount to: Oh hell yes. Alec/Richard for the win. Duchess Tremontaine for the win. Crazy swordfighting and bitchy nobles for the win.

I will say, despite all the awesome, I liked Privilege of the Sword slightly better, for various reasons. But it's like saying which of my favorite flavors of ice cream I like better. I may prefer pralines and pecan to cookies 'n cream, but they're both delicious.

So far, Urban Shaman is a snarky, smooth kind of read like one of those really fancy vodkas with the fruit flavoring. It goes down burning, and makes you like it.

Oh, and I get to indulge in more book buying goodness because guess what else is in Connecticut? THE BOOK BARN! Can this week get any better? I think not.

Since I'm in Florida right now visiting family, friends, and my dog, I'm sort of on a break from the rewrites. And this time around, I didn't do any work in the airport/airplane, either.

Why?

Because I'm wondering if my instincts to stop work and make progress on another story aren't just the usual mid-novel distractions. I'm wondering if it's more than that.

There's a part of me that still doesn't think I have a real, true grasp on what the core of the Tower!Guy story is. I think it's what lagringa meant when she said that the story needed shaping. I'm not sure how to define "core", except that it's the thing you can point to and say, "This is the story's soul, this is why it has to be told, this is the thing I needed all those words to express to you."

I have plot, setting, characters, conflict. All the fixings. I just can't help but looking at it and going, "Where's the beef?"

Meanwhile, I have other stories who's core, who's intangable essence I have a much clearer sense of. Sure, they need just as much work, and I'm likely to get just as distracted if I went to work on them, but I feel like I know their shape, their soul. Why yes, I am referring to the never-say-die RBverse!story that refuses to go away when I say, "Not now!"

There's a part of me wondering if there is a point at which you abandon ship (or at least shelve ship) and know that the story just isn't fully cooked yet, that the dough hasn't risen, the crust is not golden brown, (insert cooking metaphor here).

At the same time, I swore up and down to myself that I would not stop, that I would not change horses mid stream. I told myself that I was riding this one all the way to finish line, come hell or high water.

What if me being stubborn is actually keeping me from telling a better story? What if I'm wasting time trying to keep promises to myself, meanwhile the story I should be telling (the story that might just get somewhere) isn't getting told?

Of course, what if this is the story? Writing is like this. It's full of doubts and anxieties and pebbles in your shoes. Maybe this is just the annoying grain of sand that becomes a pearl, but right now the oyster is indecisive.

Being an indecisive oyster sucks. Much better to be decisive if you're a bivalve mollusk. Or a writer. Essentially, we sort of do the same thing. We get irritated by some little particle of something, we add a whole bunch of layers to it for a long time, spit it out, and then people decide whether it's pretty or not.

I suspect oysters may have a higher success rate, though.

Sandergate continues on, with Sanders now making authors pay for the privilege of having their stories removed from the archives. He wants $40 per story removal, which he says is the hourly fee of his web person.

Who's being pantiwadulous now, Mr. Sanders?

This has got to be some kind of extortion or something. Blackmail. There's no way it's entirely legal for him to do this. I really hope somebody with legal know-how gets him and sues his racist little pants off.

However, being the sneaky minded little person I am, I think we could turn his own terms against him. Because, in his little tirade (linked on Tobias' site), he says that he won't charge those people who need the story removed because of "professional reasons", such as wanting to put it in anthology or collection that wants exclusive rights or something.

What if we used that against him? What if we got together, collectively, to publish a collection of stories that were pulled, in protest, from the Helix archives? And of course, we'd require the stories not to be on the Helix archives for "professional reasons".

I think it would solve a lot of problems. It would turn Sanders' own extortion against him. First, it would be a big incentive for any writers still sitting on the fence to pull their stories. It would help those who want to protest but don't have the money, and they'd have a legitimate publishing credit to replace the one they lost. *And* it would be a pretty big show of our resolve not to put up with this kind of idiocy.

An entire collection of stories, all dedicated to the cause of showing that we will not put up with blatant, hateful racism in our community. I like it.

Aww, man, William Sanders doesn't even know what professionalism looks like, does he?

And he adds another new, wonderful word to our vocabulary. It's a screencap, because the original page was taken down (and thanks to nihilistic_kid for the link).

Pantiwadulous. Seriously? That's the word he's going with? Pantiwadulous? Oh, the internet is going to eat him alive for this one. Before he was just taking an angry, righteous pounding. Now the fail macros are gonna start pouring in, because he's officially lost the right to be taken seriously anymore. I plan to Nelson Muntz my way through the whole thing, because he deserves whatever the intertubes can dish out.

And can I just say that he's also officially lost any right to bitch about someone publicly posting business correspondence from him? This trumps public posting. It trumps it like Donald's about to come in and start firing people.

Is it wrong that I'm laughing so terribly hard at him now? At first I was really angry, and honestly, I still am. He's made our entire genre/community look bad, he's hurt a lot of people, he's put writers in a tough position (and yes having to decide whether to pull a story from a publication and possibly violate a contract and take away professional writing credit(s) from their resume IS a tough position).

But come on. Pantiwadulous? Tell me you didn't ROFL in your waffles.

I definitely hope that anyone who has stories still with Helix will now even more strongly consider pulling them, despite potential losses, because now it's not just a matter of principle. I think Sanders is actually losing his mind. It's now probably a really good idea to get out of the blast radius, because I think this is about to go nuclear.

ETA: Is it just me or does anyone think that the Award for Most Wadded Panties On the Internet should actually go to William Sanders himself?

Didn't get as much done writing wise this week as I had hoped. Especially since I'm at that stage where other ideas are coming around to distract me, like a cat rubbing up against you and purring. As fuzzy and tempting as it is, I have to stay the course.

Ideas really are like cats. They're beautiful and fickle, and no matter how lovely and playful and well behaved they are right now, they will hork on your carpet and leave little birdie torture victims on the porch. It's their nature. Thus, getting another cat won't solve the problem. Investing in carpet cleaner and a sturdy resolve is much more useful.

Luckily for me, this is the last go around for this story. If it doesn't work out now, it gets trunked. Because if I can't shape this story acceptably, then it means I'm not ready, mentally or professionally, to write it yet.

I imagine my progress notes are pretty horribly boring to anyone else, but I post them in case someone is randomly curious - and because they help me.


Project: Tower!Guy Story

Wordcount: 50198 (+ 8829)

Goal: 100,000

Deadline: End of August

Reason For Stopping: Dinner

Exercise: Brief walk to go get breakfast, besides that, utter laziness. Cat nap included.

Stimulants/Chemicals: Naproxen for headache caused by next door neighbor's excessively loud home improvement project. Is the cement mixer and jackhammer *really* necessary on a Sunday. Really?

Musical Inspiration: Been keeping The Frames on tap. "Pretty" by the Cranberries is sort of creepy but sets a good mood. Mostly been surfing the random shuffle.

Other Creative Activities: Painting. Did a still life of a pear that didn't suck as much as I thought it would suck.

Darling du Jour:

"I think I might want to do business with you," Sephon said.

The knife lowered again, the sarcasm returned. "You shouldn't go into business with women."

"Why is that?"

"I hear in town that we're very underhanded and bad with money," Eiryn said.

"And I've heard that the way to wisdom is not to believe everything you hear said in town."

Mean Things: Trying to stab people, intense physical pain, not being warned of impending intense physical pain, using marriage as a trap, bad fathers, regicide, wanting the affections of a person who is an emotional wasteland

Things Learned/Discovered: I never lack for mean things, which might say something about this novel, but I'm not sure what. I need to get a move on if I want this done by the end of August.

jenwrites makes a good point about whole William Sanders controversy.

I hope that people are smart enough to recognize that what Sanders said, vile as it is, is not the responsibility of the authors or other editors at Helix. Yes, I'd like to see him removed from his post or at least made to give a public apology. And yes, I do plan to stay away from Helix so long as he is associated with it.

But the authors who've been printed in Helix had no control over what he said. They shouldn't have to bear the weight of the consequences of his vitriolic racism.

Realistically, what could they have been expected to do? Make sure that everyone who works for Helix is a really nice person? Take a survey? Sit down and interview prospective editors? I'm sure most of them are just as horrified by what Sanders said as the rest of us. And I don't see how any of this is the fault of someone who got published in Helix. How were they to know that a few months or a year down the line that Sanders would say something so outrageous?

Despite this fact, they are, however, are in a fairly precarious professional position. For one, a writing credit on their resume that once meant something might stand to become useless, all because of one hateful idiot, and because they're getting branded by this and being associated with something bad that they have absolutely no control over.

Yes, it's very angry making, but let's try to make sure we don't lose focus. And the focus is that one person, William Sanders, had complete control over what went into that rejection letter. Therefore, only he should have to pay for it.


ETA: Let's be clear that I am referring to those authors who were published in Helix before the rejection letter was published and started becoming widely talked about. Let's also be clear that I'm giving a pass to those authors who had/have no idea of what kind of person Sanders is.

ETA 2: I think some discussion in all this should be given over to the question of how much responsibility an author carries for researching the publications they're submitting to, and what kind of information they can actually rely on in such research.

Yes, people have said that Sanders has been known for this type of behavior/attitude for a while, and that this is not his first time being this offensive.

This may be entirely true, *but* consider for a moment where I'm getting this information. So far, it's from word-of-mouth sources. Given, it's from people I trust, but what if it wasn't? What if a complete stranger came to this blog and saw the comments?

Is an author obligated to shun a certain publication because someone they don't know on the internet said, "Oh, he's a racist, he does this, this, and this". What kind of standard of information should be used?

As for Sanders, I think the proof is most definitely in the pudding. There is a letter, confirmed by Sanders to be his and *defended* by him, circulating around. And yes, I would hope that those who have seen it will immediately stop working with Helix.

But what about six months from now or a year? Is an author obligated to scour the blogosphere, searching out any hint of impropriety? And are they obligated to research *all* the editors and employees of a certain publication?

I mean, there *are* other editors at Helix. What if planned on submitting to, say, their poetry editor - are you obligated to make sure all the other people listed on the staff page have never done anything bad?

My point is this: saying ugly things and condemning those who have published with Helix in the past isn't really helping anything, and it's not fair.

As for those who will publish in the future, assuming they know about this (you know, not everyone is an internet addict, and last I checked, this sort of thing wasn't in the newspaper or anything), it's up to their individual consciences. While I would hope they would take a stance against Sanders' racism, I'm not going to assume that being published with Helix means they are also racist and that they support racism.

This rejection letter from William Sanders may be one of the worst things I've seen all month. Maybe all summer. I'm still boggling that someone would be an idiot enough to say something like that. But his response is just the cherry on top of the big pile of crap.

I'm still trying to figure out what part of Sanders' brain said, "Hmm, yeah, okay, it's perfectly fine to call a group of people 'sheet heads'. Let's put that in the letter." Somebody else can take over working on this problem, because I got nothing.

I think the only way to really articulate my rage is to enumerate all the varied things that are wrong with this rejection letter starting from smallest to greatest:

( All my reasons under the cut. Cut because I'm sure a lot of you have been made aware of this fiasco and are just as angry about it as I am )

Over at Storytellers Unplugged, matociquala had a very good post about her writing process and her struggle to "to stop thinking in detail about [her] writing, and just let it happen".

It's a good post, but there was a comment that caught my eye as well. In that comment, someone laid out that there were four steps in any learning process, and those steps were:

1. Unconscious Incompetence
2. Conscious Incompetence
3. Conscious Competence
4. Unconscious Competence

I think that matociquala's post is, in the context of the comment, basically a struggle to get from number three to four. And I know she's at least at stage three because, well, I've read her books. The woman is nothing if not utterly competent about how to lay down a story.

I think the steps basically are the life cycle of a writer. I can't think of anyone I know who's journey through writing hasn't roughly gone through these stages. Maybe there is someone out there who's supremely gifted who got to rocket straight to stage four, but I think those writers are rare. As for myself, I think I'm pretty typical among writers.

I started out writing because it pleased me, and though my work was atrocious, I was happy with it. I was in love with all my stories, and thought they were the best thing since the invention of the internet. But, as with most writers, you keep writing and you gain an audience - even if that audience is just family, friends, and a few unfortunate teachers - and you begin to take the craft more seriously. Time distances you from the first flushes of love, and you realize that your works were not as flawless as you thought.

Thus, you've moved from stage one to stage two. And let me tell you, stage two is miserable, because you realize you suck, but you can't do that much about it, except keep sucking until you don't. It's counterintuitive, and what's worse, is you're never quite sure when you move from stage two to stage three - whereas it hits you like a bomb that you've moved from stage one to stage two.

I can't speak on stage three, but I've seen it in a lot of other writers who I admire. And it seems that you retain most of the self-loathing from stage two, but you temper it with the ability to judge things and to accept criticism in earnest, the ability to know yourself, your limits, and your talents. It also seems to be the stage at which you begin to publish, if you're lucky.

But I don't think there's a stage four at all, because this magical zone of unconscious competence, in which you became able to let things flow, and do things more naturally. It seems like stage four is actually just a return to stage one, where you shed the self-loathing and the constant second guessing while retaining all you've learned. It seems like artistic Enlightenment if you will.

And I don't think that exists. First, because I've never seen it in any artist I know. Not just in writers, but in visual artists, musicians, comedians, actors. Even the artists who I consider to be the very top of their profession, the very height of talent, don't seem to have ever achieved stage four.

Whenever I read what these people have to say about their creative processes, they're constantly saying things like, "oh this part isn't working the way I want" or "I know that I have a tendency to do this" or "I think I'm doing this sort of thing wrong". They are always intellectualizing what they do.

I think this is because - with all due respect to matociquala - there is a point at which driving a car and writing become two different things. You need not be talented, nor even all that smart, to drive a car competently and without thinking too much. If you're of a reasonable level of mental ability, you can do it. Because in it's boiled down essence, driving a car is just teaching your body to do something. It's teaching your eyes and hands and feet to move in certain ways in response to certain stimuli. And that's something that animals have been doing since...well, since there were animals. That's why you can unload it onto your animal brain and free up your higher consciousness for bigger, loftier pursuits.

Any animal when it repeats an action long enough will become unconsciously competent. Take monkeys. We can train monkeys, for instance, to do all sorts of things that seem amazing, but are really just repetitions of stimulus and response.

Well, you can't train a monkey to write a novel. You can offer bananas and punishments, you can read it stories, but the monkey will never have that insane, untenable, very real spark of creativity which makes it digest that story and churn out something new. Writing novels is a 100% intellectual exercise. You can't unload it into another part of the brain, it has to stay where it is.

I think that there is no such thing as letting a story come naturally. I do think that there is a point where some of the anxiety can be taken away from the process of creating. I do think think there is also a point at which you can turn off the inner-editor, and you put things down on paper without so much discomfort. Every writer experiences moments of creative zoning, where the words just come in a nice neat order and you're not constantly struggling for what comes next. But honestly, those passages written under the divine influence of Writing!Zen don't come across as being better than those you fought for.

Because the zen is just an illusion, a feeling. It's just when your anxieties and heebie jeebies and distractions drop away for a little while.

But there is no writing naturally, because writing isn't a natural act.

Alrighty, that's my jabbering for this morning. Things to be done before the heat sets in. Expect a progress report later in the day.

Clarion West Workshoppers were the victims of a break-in at the sorority house they were staying in. According to cmpriest, laptops, clothes, and other personal items were stolen from rooms on the 3rd floor. All of this, in broad daylight, while the workshoppers were in class!

As anyone can guess, a writer having their laptop grabbed in the middle of a workshop is basically a death knell for their workshop experience. Not to mention the absolutely horrible feeling of being a victim of that kind of random, stupid theft.

If anyone has a laptop that they can loan the attendees, or cash they can donate, I would urge you to do so. You can email either Leslie or Neile at info (at) clarionwest (dot) org.

I know that Clarion West is very, very expensive to attend in the first place and laptops don't come cheap. So I hope that the victims either get their stuff back quickly or at least somehow get full restitution. My sympathy to them, I know this has to suck.

So anyone who can do anything, I urge you to email them.

What better way to further distract myself from one type of writing than to post another!

Originally when I wrote this poem, I wasn't going to post it, because of it's adult nature and because I wasn't sure it was good enough. Well, I let it sit and I polished it, but I still held off on posting.

Then I realized that it sort of made a hypocrite out of me to do so. I can't have a big ol' motto that says "the artist is not afraid" and then be afraid. So, after much hand wringing and fretting, I figured that it was better to be brave and somewhat stupid than hypocritical.

Warning: this poem is of an adult and somewhat erotic nature. Nothing too graphic, and you've probably seen worse on TV. If you don't like it, feel free to go elsewhere.

( poem: Landlocked )

I ganked this from all over:

"The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed."

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you really love (and strikethrough the ones you hate!).
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them ;-)

( The 100 Books List, which BTW, I have problems with )

Okay, so somebody inform me - what buttbrain came up with this list? Seriously.

I scored a 22 out of 100, which isn't technically true, because this list is just retarded. Why?

( Ways in which this list is so stupid that it BURNS )

Quick link: scififanatic has some good thoughts on hip hop and some of the controversies about lyrics/content therein. In her words: "Lyricists are simply storytellers like writers. If people can't relate to the stories of the streets some lyricists come from, then the solution is simple--go find some new music to vibe with."

I couldn't agree more.

As a writer and reader, I'm very keenly aware that just because a story isn't liked doesn't make it bad or wrong. Just because a poem or story or song or piece of art touches a nerve doesn't mean the answer is to try get it ripped down and hidden in a dark corner.

I think, in my version of a perfect world (I call it the Megverse, and I like to go there when this universe gets a little too icky) instead of running from literature, songs, art, and statements that make them uncomfortable, people would sit down and take a long hard think about why they're uncomfortable, what that means, and if they can come to some sort of terms with it. And as a bonus, they might even open an honest, respectful, thoughtful, open minded dialog about it with others so that they can learn from it.

As for the writing, I am still plucking away on the Tower!Guy Story revisions. See, I even have progress notes to prove it!

Project: Tower!Guy Story

Wordcount: 41369 (+4226 words)

Goal: 100,000 words or less

Deadline: August-ish

Reason For Stopping: Finished chapter, new netflix movies came in the mail and lunch was had.

Exercise: None. This week's quota has technically been fulfilled.

Stimulants/Chemicals: H2O with added flavoring. A couple of oreos (I'm evil, I know!)

Musical Inspiration: "Barn Owl, Night Killer" by Sufjan Stevens. Good for being both creepy and angsty. "Suevtar" by Gjallhorn. "May Morning Dew" by Sharon Night.

Darling du Jour: I could do it so easily, he tried to assure himself. I could see this stupid little heathen princess dead in rags at my feet. I could, oh Goddess, I could. The Bonedevil sneered though she couldn't see it, trying to muster the necessary contempt, but it was too far removed. No I couldn't. Now now, he admitted to himself with a silent sigh. His face fell, and pitied the Goddess if this was how she felt whenever she looked down on people from her heavenly perch.

Mean Things: Having to tell why your entire city got wiped out. Running head on into a solid object. Lying. Seriously considering cold blooded murder (see above). Parental abandonment.

Things Learned/Discovered: My characters are all very snarky, and I've got a bad habit of using ten words when five will do. Two shorter chapters read easier than a single, large one. Especially if you leave it on a cliffhanger. Oreos are addictively evil. I'm really going to have to bust some ass in July to make my self-imposed August deadline.

The best summary of "The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe" (or C.S. Lewis's thinking) I've ever seen:

C.S. LEWIS: Finally, a utopia ruled by children and populated by talking animals.

THE WITCH: Hi, I'm a sexually mature woman of power and confidence.

C.S. LEWIS: Ah! Kill it, lion Jesus!

Lewis just really never grew out of his "eww, girl cooties" stage, did he?